From the time you get engaged to your big day, with every decision you
make and hurdle you overcome, you're putting all kinds of wisdom into play.
You're also fine-tuning skills that can help build a successful marriage, such
as sticking to a budget, navigating family politics and knowing when to take a
de-stressing break from it all.
Apply these learning experiences
from your wedding-planning journey to your future together:
1. Don't let money fights tear
you apart.
Financial disagreements can
strain even the happiest of marriages. According to a study by The National
Survey of Families and Households, couples who argue about money once a week
are 30 percent more likely to divorce than couples who report fighting about
finances a few times each month. In order to protect your marriage, take your
family budget seriously and be patient for those big things that you want,
whether it's a new car or maybe even a baby.
If you went over-budget for your
wedding (many couples do!) make it a goal to live within your means now. Start
by recording everything you spend over the course of a month — and we do mean
everything — in an easy program like Quicken or Mint.com. Next, see what you
can take a break from or scale back on, like going out to eat two times a month
instead of six. Even little things like choosing affordable cuts of meat when
grocery shopping and filtering water from the tap instead of buying water
bottle cases can add up to big savings.
As you may have already learned
with unexpected wedding expenses, it's also crucial to have an emergency fund,
especially if you own a house or car that could need pricey repairs.
2. Make time for your other
favorite people -- they helped make you who you are.
During the wedding-planning
process, you likely involved your parents and siblings somehow, whether it was
inviting them to your gown-shopping appointment, honoring your family history
with a photo table, or other thoughtful gestures. During your marriage, make a
plan to connect with both of your immediate and extended families on a regular
basis.
If you live far away from them,
set up a Sunday Skype date and send thoughtful emails or texts just to see how
they're doing. Share family traditions with your spouse: holiday traditions,
recipes, great stories, visits to your families' favorite places and any other
insights into your family life before this new life you're sharing.
Let go of family drama. Just like
a squabble over the budget or guest list may have stressed you out, family
dramas can also create tension in your marriage. Stay out of the fray, forgive
what you can and don't get sucked into attention-seeking ploys. Embrace the
happier, more positive people in your life, whoever they may be.
3. Gratitude is essential to
leading a happy life!
Just like you sent thank-you
notes for wedding gifts you received, it's just as important to say "thank
you" to anyone who adds light and laughter to your world during your
marriage. It might be for a dinner your parents took you to, the wheelbarrow
your neighbor lent you when you were putting in your garden or anything sweet
your husband does for you. Everyone wants to feel that they are appreciated.
Keep a gratitude journal in which
you record five things that made you happy that day. This will ensure that your
mindset stays balanced even during challenging times. It makes you a happier
person to be around, which is contagious!
4. The couple that plays together,
stays together.
One of the biggest wishes among
engaged couples planning their weddings is that the entire event be a ton of
fun. A great band or DJ. Interactive food stations. Photo booths. Weddings are
unforgettable experiences for guests.
Make your marriage stronger by
incorporating lots of play, inside jokes, and new activities, as well as making
time for the things you already love to do together.
5. Honor each other’s boundaries.
Make your marriage stronger by
engaging in open communication. Rather than just saying "no" when
your partner comes to you with a request or vice versa, take the time to
explain why you feel this way, listen to each other and prioritize one
another's feelings. You both need to understand where the other is coming from
in order to make decisions that honor you and your partner's comfort level and
values.
It's all about teamwork in a
happy marriage, which stems from compromise and balance. Neither of you is the
boss — resentments can boil over when one partner feels like they're getting
overruled all the time. Come up with an agreement that neither of you should
have to do something you feel strongly against or uncomfortable with, and make
an effort to mix up the decision-making.
6. Stay flexible and have a Plan
B just in case.
Smart wedding planning involves
having a back-up plan: an indoor space for the ceremony in case it rains or an
alternative bouquet in case your floral designer can't get an out-of-season
bloom.
In your marriage, don't get so
hung up on having things go according to your timetable that you're absolutely
devastated if your original plan doesn't work out. It's not about what happens
to us; it's how we bounce back.
7. Nobody wins when you try to
keep up with the Joneses.
Even if your best friend had a
$100,000 wedding and yours was just a tiny fraction of that, it doesn't mean
that your big day was any less awesome or special. Although it's natural to get
envious sometimes, it's not worth acting on by trying to outcompete or match
what someone else has — many negative things can spiral out from there.
The same goes for the home you
choose to live in, the furniture you buy, the car you drive and so on. No one
wants to feel like they're not doing well enough in life. So, how do you tame
that green-eyed monster? Again, we’re back to #3: gratitude makes life
fabulous! Let the Joneses be the Joneses and you live your wonderful life
filled with beautiful people and your own special touches to the things you do
have.
8. The people you hire had better
be good.
You put a lot of time and energy
into researching, interviewing and hiring the best wedding vendors. The same
goes for hiring real estate agents, doctors, contractors... the experts you
can't afford to entrust your home (or your life) to without fully investigating
them and investing in the best.
You know that when you hire
someone without doing due diligence, you're more likely to get crummy service
and bad results. You don't want that with your plumbing or your health.
9. Every now and then, get away
from it all and get back to being "you."
When stress builds up, it’s not
pretty. You may find yourself snapping over minor things, sleeping poorly,
overeating, skipping workouts, breaking out...stress is bad news for you and
for everyone who loves you. Every now and then, make time to go on a vacation
as part of your "happy me, happy us" plan. And even if you can't get
away because of budget or time, find ways to switch up your scenery like
checking out shops in a nearby town or going for a hike.
Whether you revisit your
honeymoon resort, check into a quaint bed and breakfast a few hours away or
even just take a day trip somewhere, the important thing is to recognize when
you and your spouse are overworked from the daily grind. Escaping your to-do
list and unplugging for a few hours/days will dial down your stress levels and
make you better partners.
10. Be present –- it all goes by
too fast.
The wedding day passes by so
quickly — one minute you're slipping that ring on your groom's finger and the
next minute, the band is announcing that this is the last song of the night.
You didn't even get to eat very much of your wedding menu! In your marriage, as
in your wedding, make sure you stop, look around, and take in every detail.
Be fully present and you won't
look back on your life saying, "There's so much that I didn't take the
time to appreciate and enjoy." Enjoy every moment to the fullest.
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