BY EMILY MORRISON
Relationships aren’t easy. At times, being
someone’s other half can feel like carrying the Olympic torch. It takes
commitment, hard work and emotional stamina to keep the flame of love alive.
However, love isn't meant to feel like a grueling test of endurance. Happy
couples don’t need to perform mental and emotional gymnastics on a daily basis
to keep their torch lit. Here are four things gold medal partners do not do in
the game of love.1. Keep score.
People who keep track of what their partner does
and does not do for them generally do so because they feel overburdened.
Whether one person is putting in 10% or 110%, relationships that keep a tally
of how much effort each partner is contributing will never add up to 100. When
a person approaches a relationship with a “what have you done for me lately?”
attitude, she will be disappointed, often.
If a couple truly desires a
relationship based on utility, then go ahead; design a spreadsheet, create a
chore chart and divvy up demands. Gold medal couples see the big picture. They
see the work that each person does as part of a team effort. Go team!
2. Take each other for granted.
Most couples, gold medal or not, occasionally
forget how much work goes into burning the eternal flame. When the spark is
gone, the energy that both people spend can go unnoticed and unappreciated. If
someone feels like their efforts are expected and then unappreciated, they will
begin to question why they’re in such a thankless relationship in the first
place. Again, gold medal partners realize that love is a choice they make each
and every day. They approach each other with “an attitude of gratitude” because
their partner has yet again chosen to give their time, attention and affection
to them. Instead of becoming apathetic, happy couples remain appreciative of
each other’s giving choices.
3. Belittle each other.
The irrationality of this action should speak
for itself. Deriding someone does not demonstrate unconditional love. Rather,
belittling a significant other conveys a lack of love. When people call
negative attention to their partners short-comings, they do not show their
acceptance of their partner. Instead, they exhibit a rigidity that makes their
partner feel unaccepted and unloved. In loving relationships, partners declare
their love through a willingness to work through each others imperfections,
together. Content couples realize each others inadequacies as a way to become
closer, not further apart.
4. Spend every moment together.
In the first blush of love, spending every
waking moment together is normal. When Cupid shoots his shaft of love from up
above, both partners can go to extremes to be with each other. Ah, here lies
the rub. Too much together time can create the first three issues on this list:
a neurotic attention to who does more, a lack of appreciation and an opposition
to the the other’s “otherness.” Happy couples appreciate alone time. They enjoy
their independence to see and do different things because at the end of the
day, they share these experiences with each other. Gold medal partners
understand that a little independence goes a long way.
Though these are only a few “don’ts,” the common
denominator in healthy relationships simplifies to one basic “do,”
balance. Emotionally stable people,
whether in pairs or solo, work to achieve balance in their life. Understanding
that love is only one aspect of life, albeit an awesome one, happy couples
realize that the give and take they are a part of is also a part of the grand
scheme of things. Couples who enjoy this equilibrium have a relationship that
helps them not only become better partners, but better people.
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